Was it not being so thoughtful or solicitous??

Yesterday, 23-rd October 2009, was an important day for a childhood friend of mine. Indeed, the most important day for a man, when a person becomes a full man, an occasion we call a marriage.We grew up in the same town, went to same primary school, attended same university. But the fact that I wasn't there to attend such an important event in his life is something I never thought would happened. It was an important event to me too. Indeed it could have been the most important moment in my life.I prefer here not to make the reason public, but I had my own reason then, by which the occasion could have changed my life. What an incapable, unable, thoughtless or unsolicitous friend I was. Can't avoid from regretting ...
As a matter of fact, this is not the first time I have not being solicitous to my friends. There had been, a couple of, more marriage I had missed. And I am so shameful of my this inability. Because I couldn't show my face on those important days, the guilty feeling always lingers in my mind, due to which meeting again is not just the same it used to be earlier. It is strange, I mean, why is it that things have to be like this. We try to make things better, to let not such things happen. But still, we cannot avoid to not let it happen. Of course, everybody has a life to live. And to live we struggle. We work to feed ourselves. Why can't feeding ourselves become second to making our friends and people we know happier, fulfilling the needful act of a true man. I wonder....

The Uncertainties in the Certainty of Life

Never occurred to me that the life could take such roads entangled with such strange uncertainties in the certainty of life. Sometimes, I find the water rough and it is hard to sail along.At times, the river meanders, things that used to be visible to me have started to get hidden from me, and new things have started to appear on my way. Still, i don't wonder this, and i try to convince myself this is what life is and what it brings to us. Few months back i was there in a place.Indeed, i was there for a while disposing all the worries to the very belief "time heals everything".And i stayed there without any hurry for any new place. Of course i didn't know where could i possibly land up. The uncertainties were always there. I used to imagine then on what my next few months would be like. As much as i try to make things certain, the uncertainty seems to engulf much of my future. It was like hope against hope, looking for possibilities among impossibilities, a wild goose chase.
Lost in the thought for days, I gave up on things that were not supposed to and fought on those that were not meant for me. In such a situation you cannot differentiate on all the things that come to your way. In fact, you really did not know then what was best for you and for the people whom you care about. I couldn't differentiate between the real and virtual. All I knew was that i was real. I was standing, a standing man with firm legs and vulture eyes!!

My vanity on friendship

To me, my friends are the most important part of my life. Of course, there are some who are less important, as less as i am to them. yet, i have ,inside me, that constantly says i must value my friends at utmost. The question is, am i really doing that. even if i have been doing so, how is the world around me, seeing me. we meet people, make friends, move on in life, then, some leave and some stay. there are times when we try to change a friend's life. the truth is, we actually don't try to change the person, but the person in him or her . the good will or potential in him or her is what we try to hunt for. there would be best friends, good friends, yet just friends. but the question is how do u decide who are the 'best', 'good' or 'just ' ones. the truth is you do not know, you cannot know either, you can only realize later.or we say, time will tell the truth. below, are some lines made by a man for a close friend of his in the movie GOOD WILL HUNTING. a simple dialogue but i find it touching.There is this thing called 'greatness with simplicity'. I see something of it in the lines. People with simple thinking, living a normal life with truthfulness--so they see only the truth about something or someone and speaks the truth. I find their friendship quite amazing and inspiring.
Here it is...

"Look, you're my best friend so don't take it this the wrong way. But in 20 years, if you are still living' here, comin' over to my house to watch the Patriots games, still workin' construction, I'll fuckin' kill ya. You got something none of us have.
You don't owe it to yourself to do this. You owe it to me. 'cause tomorrow I'm gonna wake up and I'll be 50, and I'll still be doing this shit. That's all right. That's fine. I mean, you're sittin on a winnin' lottery ticket. You're too much of a pussy to cash it in, and that's bullshit. 'Cause I'd do fucking anything to have what you got. So would any of these fucking guys. Be an insult to us if you're still here in 20 years. Hanging around here is a fucking waste of your time.
Let me tell you what I do know. Everyday I come by your house and I pick you up. We go out and have a few drinks and few laughs and its great. You know what the best part of my day is? It's for about 10 seconds: from when I pull up to the curb till I get to your door. 'Cause I think maybe I'll get up there and I'll knock on the door and you won't be there. No goodbye, no see-ya-later. No nothing. Y

Citizen activist

Society
(Eddie Vedder)

Oh it's a mystery to me.
We have a greed, with which we have agreed...
and you think you have to want more than you need...
until you have it all, you won't be free.

Society, you're a crazy breed.
I hope you're not lonely, without me.

When you want more than you have, you think you need...
and when you think more then you want, your thoughts begin to bleed.
I think I need to find a bigger place...
cause when you have more than you think, you need more space.

Society, you're a crazy breed.
I hope you're not lonely, without me.
Society, crazy indeed...
I hope you're not lonely, without me.

There's those thinkin' more or less, less is more,
but if less is more, how you keepin' score?
It means for every point you make, your level drops.
Kinda like you're startin' from the top...
and you can't do that.

Society, you're a crazy breed.
I hope you're not lonely, without me.
Society, crazy indeed...
I hope you're not lonely, without me
Society, have mercy on me.
I hope you're not angry, if I disagree.
Society, crazy indeed.
I hope you're not lonely...
without me.

The Insanity

Things that pop up when I think about myself...
I don't wish to write this...'cause it's about me. And what do i write about me? what is there in me that people will find interesting. I am a guy who is gone. Long gone,living a wasted life.sometimes, i wonder how purposeless my life is. What is that i've done for my society. A society that lay dissolved into darkest days, year after year.Everyday people wake up to strange anticipation on what the day will bring. Oh! God..show me the light!!